It was on my birthday last year that the last straw was placed - the straw that broke the camel's back. It was on my birthday last year that the Spirit told me I didn't have to do this anymore. I questioned that voice and prayed about the validity of that voice but was reassured that it was Him. This is a quote from my journal last year:
"I felt God tell me that I didn't have to do this anymore. I didn't have to keep fighting these battles of Bob getting off the same page and being untrustworthy and not considering me or my opinion."
It was a few days after that in our counselor's office that I told Bob I wanted a divorce. Something had to change and I knew I needed some separation from him. We decided that night that we still loved each other and would keep working to save our marriage.
We started co-therapy where we each had a counselor to advocate for us and help us navigate difficult issues. My therapist helped me understand that my old relationship with Bob was dead. I needed a new relationship - either a new relationship with him or a new relationship with someone else. The therapists helped us set up an in-house separation and let us know that 75% of couples who do co-therapy are able to work things out.
July was an incredibly hard month for me as we worked to set up an in-house separation with the help of our counselors. Bob took over Allie's room upstairs, Allie moved in with the little girls and I had the master bedroom and bath. We traded weekends and nights of being home with the kids and had limited time together in the form of dates, family dinners and FHE. We also continued to go to counseling every week.
In August I learned something that complicated the situation and broke down trust even more. Even so, we continued to work through things. I was learning how to advocate for myself and not be a victim. I was learning to recognize my needs and practicing how to meet those needs. Bob and I had some good dates during this time and some times where we felt connected instead of disconnected.
This was the last date we had on September 17. We ate dinner at this little airport, flew over Dallas in a tiny
airplane and then watched the movie Sully at the Moviehouse & Eatery in Keller.
In this time it came down to two choices. Will Tasha give up her voice and be a step ford wife and like all of Bob's ideas or will Bob continue to work through his feelings and issues with a counselor? Neither one of us were willing to make the choice that would make things work for the other.
There was another night in October when Bob asked me if I thought we could get divorced without spending a lot of money on lawyers. I knew there was no way we could have a fair separation of assets and custody without outside help.
On October 31, I officially filed for divorce. Bob found out a week or two later. He hired his own lawyer and we commenced the expensive and stressful process of getting divorced.
I was ready for Bob to move out after the Christmas holidays (at the latest) but he was adamant about staying in the house until the divorce was final. January was another really miserable, difficult month. I tried to get some better separation/nesting things set up but to no avail (his lawyer was non-responsive for many weeks). We finally had mediation on January 19 where the details of the divorce were laid out (custody, split of assets, etc.) but Bob did not move out until February 5. It was really difficult to be in the same house during those weeks.
The divorce was final on March 29.
Since my birthday last year, I have been thinking about how to make divorce work financially without upsetting the kids lives, schools, location, etc. I applied and interviewed for graduate school in counseling. I got accepted and started my first class in January. I hoped to take more than one class at a time but that is not in the cards yet. I also studied for and got the training to be a substitute teacher in my district. I started working 2-3 days a week subbing in October. I also began the process of becoming alternatively certified as a teacher so I can have a full time job that pays the bills next year. In addition to the normal mom jobs of laundry, taxi-driver, cook, etc., I have also been studying for two teacher certification tests. There are 3 time-consuming parts to the alternative certification process - completing their training courses, taking the teacher certification exams (I took special education and EC 4-8), and 30 hours of classroom observation. I have been doing the observation as part of my substitute jobs which helps. You have to type up responses to several questions about each observation and that takes some time to do.
Parker has also been in out-patient treatment twice this year for his mood disorder/mental health issues. If these don't get/stay better, he will be going to a residential treatment facility. There has been a lot of emotional and mental and physical energy devoted to him this year as well.
Caden is going with his scout troop to Philmont this summer for a 12-day trek. I have spent countless hours researching, buying and returning backpacking equipment for his journey this summer. I enjoy getting back to stores like REI and rekindling my love of the outdoors, but it has been super stressful as well.
It has been a very difficult, full year. Marching band. Freshman in high school. 8th grade. 6th grade. Kindergarten. Full-time pre-K. 4 school campuses. If you made it through this, you can see why it feels like I have been 37 forever and why 36 sounds like so long ago. I hope 38 is a happier year with fewer roller-coasters and tears and more joy and peace!
There was another night in October when Bob asked me if I thought we could get divorced without spending a lot of money on lawyers. I knew there was no way we could have a fair separation of assets and custody without outside help.
On October 31, I officially filed for divorce. Bob found out a week or two later. He hired his own lawyer and we commenced the expensive and stressful process of getting divorced.
I was ready for Bob to move out after the Christmas holidays (at the latest) but he was adamant about staying in the house until the divorce was final. January was another really miserable, difficult month. I tried to get some better separation/nesting things set up but to no avail (his lawyer was non-responsive for many weeks). We finally had mediation on January 19 where the details of the divorce were laid out (custody, split of assets, etc.) but Bob did not move out until February 5. It was really difficult to be in the same house during those weeks.
The divorce was final on March 29.
Since my birthday last year, I have been thinking about how to make divorce work financially without upsetting the kids lives, schools, location, etc. I applied and interviewed for graduate school in counseling. I got accepted and started my first class in January. I hoped to take more than one class at a time but that is not in the cards yet. I also studied for and got the training to be a substitute teacher in my district. I started working 2-3 days a week subbing in October. I also began the process of becoming alternatively certified as a teacher so I can have a full time job that pays the bills next year. In addition to the normal mom jobs of laundry, taxi-driver, cook, etc., I have also been studying for two teacher certification tests. There are 3 time-consuming parts to the alternative certification process - completing their training courses, taking the teacher certification exams (I took special education and EC 4-8), and 30 hours of classroom observation. I have been doing the observation as part of my substitute jobs which helps. You have to type up responses to several questions about each observation and that takes some time to do.
Parker has also been in out-patient treatment twice this year for his mood disorder/mental health issues. If these don't get/stay better, he will be going to a residential treatment facility. There has been a lot of emotional and mental and physical energy devoted to him this year as well.
Caden is going with his scout troop to Philmont this summer for a 12-day trek. I have spent countless hours researching, buying and returning backpacking equipment for his journey this summer. I enjoy getting back to stores like REI and rekindling my love of the outdoors, but it has been super stressful as well.
It has been a very difficult, full year. Marching band. Freshman in high school. 8th grade. 6th grade. Kindergarten. Full-time pre-K. 4 school campuses. If you made it through this, you can see why it feels like I have been 37 forever and why 36 sounds like so long ago. I hope 38 is a happier year with fewer roller-coasters and tears and more joy and peace!
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